happy birthday to me

My day started out pretty bad; I don't think that i am special. but anyways, i had the house to myself all day and i wanted to cry after being up for 2 hours. My day became pretty special throughout the day. :) I hung out with my sweet friend jello buddy and now my heart is pretty sad knowing that you didnt wish me a happy birthday. I thought I mattered to you but i guess not :( i miss you more than you would ever know.. please talk to me and come back to me. I love you now and forever.

things happen... dont wanna miss a thing

its time that i start living with what if this happens and what if this doesn't happen. 

I know I am right where i should be at this point of time. Maybe its good that i am not tied down starting this new journey.. Whatever happens; Happens. I wont put my life on hold  anymore.. I'm gonna be living life; the way I should. Only live life once. Imma do me and be riding solo... peace out.

do i do i do i do i

Do i matter to you anymore?
You matter to me more than  anyone I know.
My heart hurts from not speaking to you 

Its been 2 months and my hurt feels empty.

Do i matter to you?

DO I?

Do I?

I feel like i don't.

I feel like i wont survive this 

and I am afraid to never fall in love 

if you wont ever get out of my mind

for just a little bit
Please dont forget me and all the moments we had
You will be always in my heart tucked up in my pocket.
I want you back and only mine

I just heard your friend tell me how long your gonna be gone
This wont work, now will it?
Ahh God help me. I need you right now
My future is in your hands; I can choose what I want 
but your plan is better :)


I wanna get married and start a family with you
Only if God allows it 
I am in love with this boy; who I cant stop thinking about
Your killing my heart and maybe its even been ripped out
I need you now
i don't want anyone else

Love will find its way if its meant to happen
If it happens; life will be amazing and if not my life will be still incredible
I cant be this strong
I am not ready to let you go

A little something something

Trying to forget and forgive is easier than said then done
The truth; I cant get you off my mind
You gave me a reason to love You
and guess what? yeah guess what?
The love isn't going anywhere
I  wanna say I am over You
But boy guess what? 

I wanna forget what happened; but I 

will never forget what you done to me

and how you made me feel

Its gonna have to take a special guy to take my heart again
I am not let any guy take my heart; like you did
Cause you you are still running through my mind
a couple times a day


I wanna go somewhere with You
I wanna breathe the air you do
Most of all i wanna be your everything like I used to be

I was falling fast for you and that heart of yours

but I am blaming you; and how you felt

Most importantly I miss being involved in your life
telling me all about your sexy car; 
and what you have to done baby your car
I miss telling you about my day and
telling my thoughts and crazy feelings about




a Little something something called randomnesss :)

Weird Feelings, odd feelings

What the heck? 
Why do I feel like this? 
 My heart feels crappy just thinking about you
I take a deep breathe again; and hold it a few seconds
If I just breathe everything's gonna be alright, Right?
I think Not, do you hear me? 
The pain is so real and i just wanna forget 

This 

My heart beats one, two and three times 

before i can continue living without you

I did this before; and I can do it again, 

but i'm just curious to why i feel this strong ache feeling left in my heart

If i just breathe everything will be okay, Right?

I need to fill this empty feeling of my heart 

With Faith, Love, Peace and Joy

and More of Jesus

I can picture your unique voice most of the time

Its like a kick in the tummy;

Knowing and questioning whats running through your Head?

I'm tired of all these thoughts playing back and forth through my head

I want to tell them to stop; but i'm scared.

I cant face the future without you supporting me

and encouraging me along the way

The place that's in my heart beats only for some guy like You

I love you more and everyday 

and I wish i could hold your hand and tell me not worry 

I know God's got a big plan for my life and You too

but losing you was the most difficult thing Ever!

Even worse then losing my girl best friend a few years ago.

Weird Feelings, Odd feelings

Takes me to think about my life

The way I could myself beautiful on the inside and on the outside

and everyday what if You aren't the ONE

How would life be?

I had a dream one night that I getting married and at the end of the aisle

A blank Face

What does this mean?

Such wierdness.. lol 

The pain that I feel deep inside 

wont let go yet

You cant see inside my heart unless you find me first

See my eyes and my sparkle is gone from my hazel eyes

and also my smile in my heart

Never knew it would hurt this bad

hurt on the inside smile on the outside

only thing that helps is fake a smile

I try to forget how I feel

Its not easy to ever forget how you made my heart soar

thanks for the pain you caused me when you walked away

why?

Should i give up or keep on chasing pavements?

I'd build myself up and fly around in circles wait

as my heart drops.

hello and GoodBye!

"I miss you so much, that some days I wish I could stop myself from missing you cause it hurts so much, that all I want to do is cry, because I miss you."

God has a reason for everything!

Even though life is quite sucky at this moment. I am able to still find the good in  bad times like this. Something that will always stay with me is because of this special guy. Try and look at the good things in life and don't focus so much on the bad. Because somewhere in another country people have so much less, and because of that I feel so blessed. More and more each and everyday do I realize how I am blessed to have the great people in my life and most importantly what God has been showing and making me feel. I am starting to realize that everything happens for a reason. One of these days my life will become even more beautiful and I know God will show me when the time is right why my life is confusing and why he walked away for a good or bad reason and everything else i am too afraid to admit. 

You walked away took my heart,
broke my heart in a couple pieces
and left me hurting for so long
I knew in my heart this would end up happening
wasn't sure you would really walk away for real
I just don't understand why would do this to me?
Go spread your wings and fly;
you don't need me like I still need you
Maybe those words you always told me were your way of 
SWEEET talking to a pretty girl like me.
Is that how you always are?
i B- e- l- i -e-v-e
that every word was true.


Only you know
what you feel

and I know that I was never

Ready to say goodbye.

Hopefully its see you later and not Goodbye..

     I want you to realize how bad this hurts when you walked out of my life.It's hard for me to understand why you walked away. I never knew how much my heart could break knowing that you walked out of my life. You changed me from good to bad and i miss everything about you. Something inside of me wont let you walk away for real this time. Please come back, I need you. I keep trying to tell myself this isn't good bye even though it probably is. You said those words yourself. No words can describe exactly how i truly feel.  When you walked out of my life; I was more confused of why this happened. I  haven't talked to you in almost 2 weeks and every day i almost lose myself because i need you. You filled my heart with happiness and that heart of happiness is gone. Come back please. :( i wish i could wake up and have this be a dream and never have to leave you again. I wanna be the girl that wakes up every morning with you by my side and be the girl that cheers you on and you be the guy that helps me to be a better person that God created me to be. For now I'm just taking one day at a time and trying not lose hope that i will never see you or talk to you again. I miss the way you made me feel and how I felt important to be in your life. How I knew I could always tell you how im feeling and not be afraid to see what you would say.  I knew i could always count on you and losing you, I lost a layer of my heart that you took and knowing that my best friend walked away when i needed you most is the most difficult thing ever. I am hoping this break will be good for the both of us and maybe some day soon we will meet again! i love you.

Reasons....

Sometimes things happens for a Reason

Reasons that are good and bad that aren't able to be explained

These reasons that leave lots of questions running through your head

Confused for un known reasons 

and your very un sure why!

Maybe your hearts breaking

and all you wanna do is cry

Your a big girl.

Its okay to cry;

don't be afraid to bawl, shed a few tears here and there

One day you will find out these reasons

and maybe the reasons behind these tears

screams and confused beautiful face of yours.

You will understand the reasons.......

Some DaY